Working on the question of life and eternity

This week, I visited the office of my nephrologist.  This is something I do every three months or so.  The difference with this visit was that my kidney function is creeping closer to the "severely impaired" level that may (soon) require dialysis.

I have long wondered how long I have until I reach the threshold of eternity.  It feels closer today than it has previously, and I am trying to process this fact.  I am going to try to write a bit on this (long neglected) blog to help me process what I am going through.

Part of me is thinking of particular lyrics from the German Requiem right now.

Psalm 39:4-7:
Herr, lehre doch mich, daß ein Ende mit mir haben muß,
und mein Leben ein Ziel hat, und ich davon muß.
Siehe, meine Tage sind einer Hand breit vor dir, und mein Leben ist wie nichts vor dir.
Ach, wie gar nichts sind alle Menschen, die doch so sicher leben.
Sie gehen daher wie ein Schemen, und machen ihnen viel vergebliche Unruhe;
sie sammeln und wissen nicht wer es kriegen vird.
Nun Herr, wess soll ich mich trösten? Ich hoffe auf dich.

This is my own translation:

Lord, teach me that I have a definite end,
that there is an ending to my life, and that I must depart.
My days are little more than a handbreadth to you, and my life is so short it is almost a nullity.
How transitory is all of humanity, they who still desperately seek security.
They depart as a shadow - and yet spend their time in meaningless anxiety.
They horde possessions, and yet do not know whom will eventually inherent them.
Given all of this, in whom do I find comfort?  In you, Lord, I find hope.

I just don't want to depart while my dad is still here.   He had lost his own dad, his mom, my mom, all but two of his siblings . . .   I don't mind departing, but I want to spare him the agony of losing me also.

June 29, 2017.